The Art of Sacrifice

SportsLeader has a new season of virtues that is ready to go - SEASON II - Sacrifice, Respect and Perseverance. This is a great introduction.

More to come. Attached is a photo of our new commitment card.

From: http://www.beat-the-streets.org/blog/post/show/id/274-The-Art-of-Sacrifice-by-Jim-Gruenwald

By Jim Gruenwald - a 2x US Olympian in Grego-Roman Wrestling and is the Head Wrestling Coach at Wheaton College

The concept in the title is most times associated with Chess. The stereotypical image of two nerdy looking individuals intently studying a board or a couple of old-timers enjoying a casual game in the park may come to mind. Not that I have anything against chess, for I enjoy the game/competition and value the lessons it can teach many wrestlers. Furthermore, I have many times referred to wrestling as a chess match where one’s pulse is between 180 – 210 bpm. Strategy, tempo, anticipation, and more importantly, for this article, sacrifice is an immensely valuable concept that every wrestler needs as a part of his repertoire of skills. 

        
With that said the idea of sacrifice is that at some point in the chess game a player sacrifices a piece for greater gain and potential victory of the match. What is the application to wrestling?  The sacrifice of parts of our personal life for the potential of greater gain or possible Olympic Gold in our wrestling careers must be weighed. The question is what are you willing to sacrifice in your life to become a better wrestler? Please note, I said better wrestler.  I am making no promises of greatness or victory. Sacrifice, like many other aspects of the sport, cannot guarantee greatness. Flexibility, strength, technique, conditioning, etc. can make you a better wrestler but will not make you a great wrestler. 

The difference being that the sacrifice requires you to lose some part of your personal life whereas the other qualities offer measurable or tangible benefits. If I stretch, I get more flexible and am less likely to become injured and will be stronger over a greater range of motion. If I lift weights, I become more powerful. If I train more intensely and push for longer periods of time, my conditioning improves.   If I take what coaches demonstrate and make the technique my own, my skills improve. But again, none of this guarantees greatness. So why do it? The answer is obvious, because if I get better, and combine it with certain inner qualities such as an iron will, I have a chance at greatness – at that Olympic or World Gold - to be the best. Despite the loss rather than gain, the same is true for sacrifice.

At this point let me preface the remainder of the article by clarifying intent. It is not my intent to give a lesson in morality. This is a lesson in human physiology which includes understanding the body and the mind. After observing the habits and choices of many wrestlers over the last 30 years, I have noticed that more often than not what we do outside of training and competition inhibits or disqualifies our ability to maximize our potential. I am not about to list all sacrifices, negative effects, or positive replacements, part of getting better is self correcting, being a self-learner, and knowing your own body. So role the ugliness - What are you suggesting we give up? 

Sacrifice #1: Junk Food. Refined sugars and processed foods are low in nutritive content, and high in empty calories. A few of the negative effects include a suppressed immune system, inhibited vitamin and mineral absorption, and a decreased ability to recover from training or competition. Each person is unique, so find high quality foods and beverages that will build your machine. Learn not only what to eat and drink, but when and how.

Sacrifice #2: Late night movies, gaming, or partying. Staying up late and suffering from sleep deprivation prevents recovery. Athletes require 8-10 for optimum body revitalization. Cheat sleep and you cheat your body's ability to recover. This can affect the way you think, your mood, and your ability to train at best levels. Poor sleep affects agility and coordination negatively. Poor sleep can also depress body's ability to fight and recover from sickness. Poor sleep habits also contribute to weight abnormalities. Get to bed early, just because you can operate on 6 hours or less of sleep does not mean you will be operating at your best.

Sacrifice #3: The Buzz or High. ‘Recreational’ drug use is illegal and drinking is illegal depending on your age. I am not opposed to a person sitting down and having a beer or glass of wine to relax, but as an athlete getting to the point of a buzz means you have replaced necessary fluids in your body with alcohol. This state inhibits your ability to recover, provides empty calories, and does not do much for other decision making processes. I am not going to provide a list of athletes who have self-destructed and wasted talent or missed opportunities, but I have observed this from high school to the Elite level. 

Sacrifice #4: Bad Relationships. Who we associate with affects our outlook. Surround yourself with people who have an entitlement attitude, are negative, irresponsible, undisciplined, etc. and you will most likely adopt those same qualities to varying degrees. Surround yourself with self-correcting, motivated, responsible, disciplined individuals, etc and you will most likely develop those qualities. Evaluate all relationships, dating, family, friends, teammate, coaches, etc. to determine how they are influencing your attitude and career. 

Granted, we have all heard the stories of the occasional superstar who has been able to win despite a less than disciplined training regimen or lifestyle choices. Most of them are freakishly gifted, and even they suffer the consequences at times. However, for most of us, we have to do everything as near to perfect as possible to achieve the ultimate goal. Most of us have to scratch and claw our way to the top, so trying to emulate a lifestyle that is adopted by a genetic superstar is counterproductive at best and is a first class ticket to failure at worst.

When I speak to groups I often encourage them to evaluate decisions on how it will affect them and those they represent. Ask the questions, Will it make me a better person, friend, son or daughter, employee, spouse, student, athlete? In the end the correct choice is ours to make. What is the value of an Olympic Gold Medal, or the value to even have a chance at one? What are you willing to sacrifice? In the end, is making any of the suggested changes a sacrifice at all or just a smart move? 

A real sacrifice is leaving wife and kids, family and friends, missing class and having to make up work so you can travel for a tournament or training camp. A real sacrifice is going into debt or redoing a budget to pay for one more wrestling trip to get in extra competition. A real sacrifice is staying for the entire USAW training camp regime rather than leaving early or coming late to make extra money at other camps.   Giving up junk, late nights, binges, and bad relationships is hardly a sacrifice. There is pain in sacrifice, but pain fades on the podium.

ESPNU, Ricky Williams and Fatherhood

"Then all the assemby shouted loudly and blessed God, who saves those who hope in him." Daniel 13: 60


I was watching ESPNU the other night and saw a documentary on Ricky Williams the NFL running back.  Evidently it's a documentary by ESPN called Run, Ricky, Run and a primary theme is Ricky's life growing up.  When Ricky was a young boy, his father was charged with some sort of abuse towards Ricky.  The program went into depth about the incident and growing up and his mother, etc...  It was very interesting to say the least.  I am sure many of you are familiar with the trials and tribulations of Ricky Williams but I checked on Wikipedia and was amazed with the twists and turns of his life.  I suggest you find the documentary or read up on Ricky Williams, I think his life is a tragic example of a poor upbringing.

At one point in the interview Ricky says, "Somewhere in the Bible it says that in every thousand fathers there is one good one."  I'm no Bible expert, but I don't remember this in the Bible(supposedly Ricky Williams is a Hindu, currently.)  Evidently, Ricky was trying to rationalize why he got such a bad father, I don't know.  What I do know, is if we only have 1 good father out of 1000 we are in a heap of trouble!  I wrote last week about how we are trying to father fatherless boys at Winton Woods.  How we are called to father our own children but to father other fatherless boys as well.  I guess the question that comes to mind is how do you do this?  What makes a good father?  What makes a great father?  What makes a father that is a hero to his children?  Because that is the father I want to be.

First of all, let me point out that I am no expert on fatherhood.  These are just some observations and thoughts.  Feel free to disagree or add.  Secondly, I can never be so proud to think I can raise a child all by myself.  A village raises a child(a topic reserved for another blog), a community of men raises a boy, God intervenes, mothers and aunts and grandmothers have a primary role.  But a father must play a vital role, period.

1.  A man/father must possess self-control and be able to teach his son self control.  I hope none of us have experienced what Ricky Williams experienced growing up from his father.  How sinister and tragic rolled into one!  But in all aspects we are called to be able to control our appetities, whether it's over-eating, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, pornography, sleeping in until noon, over working, whatever.  We must be able to say no.  Your example is vital!  But your example is not enough, because there are so many examples not demonstrating self-control(999 bad fathers!)  You must instruct and mentor your boy in the ways of self-control.  When your son plays video games for 5 hours straight, take the time to instruct him.  This behavior is dangerous!  Treat it as a teaching moment, grow closer through the experience and look for improvement in the days and weeks to come.

2.  A man/father loves and treats with respect his son's mother.  Whether you are still married to your son's mother( I can only hope and pray that woman is your wife.) or you've seperated; for your own good, for that woman's good, for your son's good and for countless other young women's good treat his mother RIGHT.  The two of you made a child, God intervened and created a miracle through the two of you.  Yet, this incredible thing is treated as trivial.  That is wrong.  Husbands you should show your son you love your wife.  Let him know that you are in love with her.  Treat her like a queen, show him how to treat girls that he likes.  We live in a society where women are used and valued on what they look like, not for their true beauty.  YOU have a chance to change that.  And if you aren't with your son's mother, you still can treat her right. You can treat her with respect, you can talk to your boy about the mistakes and problems that led to the end of his parents relationship, you can guide him so the same doesn't happen to him.  You can still love his mother although you are no longer together.  What an example to give to your son.  What humility!

3.  A father rewards and disciplines with consequences.  So many of my boys do things without thinking....just like I did when I was their age.  But I had a dad that always gave consequences.  Did I do more stupid behavior?  Of course!  But I always knew right from wrong and that if caught, I'd be in trouble.  So many of my kids do things wrong and don't get punished.  Or so many adult's punishment is to say, "don't do that again or else"  in a loud voice.  And that's it!  Or worse still, they ignore the behavior!? Wow!  Be ready for misbehavior by boys, people, but be strong enough to give and follow through on a punishment.  And the same for rewards, celebrate great behavior!

4.  A father gives quality and quantity time with his children.  Be there for your kids, get to know them, let them know you, do things together.  This is quality time.  But also, make kids your priority, be around, give them access to you.  There is way to much ME time for dads.  Once your child was born, your life changed.  You have a mission and it is not, to watch TV doing nothing, hanging out with other dads/men doing nothing, surfing the web doing nothing, getting a facebook page(are you serious?!) doing nothing, talking how great you were when you were that age......doing nothing.  Invest, invest, invest!

5.  A father gets help from God our Father.  The greatest legacy my father gave me was not his size 16 feet, not his love for history, not his strictness(2 hours of homework every night in high school), not his trying to cook(took at least 10 tries to make homemade pizza well), not his love of his wife and family, not his attempts at physical fitness(golf and bike riding to SVSU)....it was his love of God.  Dad taught me that loving God was central in your life.  Trying to love everybody and being good was the goal. Trying to do things right because it was the right thing to do was the goal.  And whenever there were troubles..... to turn to God, because He created you and He always takes care of you.  Be a man of God, men.  Pray and ask for help and your prayers will be answered.  Give God and chance to save you.  If you do, I promise you'll be happy you did.  Correct that, that's not quite right; If you do, I promise you and your children will be happy you did.   I know I am.

Go Father the fatherless this week!

Coach Willertz
Winton Woods Wrestling: "Our toughest matches are not on the wrestling mat!  Because wrestling is not just a sport, it's a life!"

"Failure" is Purposeful

By Fritz Knapp

Lacrosse Coach Virginia and Author of "The Book of Sports Virtues"

Appreciation:  “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.”

Sports require an expenditure of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy. Those who participate in sports appropriate these energies and their God-given talents to the highest degree possible. Many times even their best effort doesn’t produce great results. The measure of true greatness, in sport as in other important life activities, is how adeptly one views the outcome through the lens of long-term perspective: what did I learn, how did my effort impact others, and in the heat of the battle, did I keep my wits and provide leadership to my teammates?

The bulk of my life since age 25 has been a wild ride of raising children (three boys), multiple career changes, overwhelming joy in the familial sense, but more than a mild psychological discomfort eventually diagnosed in my early 30’s as chronic depression. Battling this inherited condition on all fronts, but most importantly through prayer, has required more energy of my loving and patient wife, sons, and me than at times any of us thought we had to fathom. Failure, though evident at times in my career, was not an option when it came to personal and familial sanity. On more than one occasion, I realize now, I was on the brink of losing everything God had so graciously given me. Faith, family and a few close friends lovingly sustained me through those darkest moments.

It’s important to remember that “failure” is purposeful. Inner strength, not just the outpouring of physical energy, is required to keep going in the face of disappointment and heartache. Taking stock of the greatest gifts in life is necessary at all times, but most importantly when the chips are down. I do this daily in an “appreciation prayer” every morning. I give thanks for all life’s blessings, especially the ones I might otherwise overlook: health, family and my students. It keeps me focused on the awesome goodness of God, and helps me keep the frustrations that arise every single day in proper perspective.

Groundball Bacon, Approach-Angle Asparagus: Duke Lacrosse National Champs

When teams win - there is always more beneath the surface ... Virtue.

Lighter, looser Blue Devils avenge three straight Final Four losses

John Jiloty May 31st, 20102

http://insidelacrosse.com/news/2010/05/31/lighter-looser-blue-devils-avenge-three-straight-final-four-losses

The bus ride home from this year’s ACC Tournament at College Park, Md., was a productive one for Duke. Fresh off a disappointing 16-12 loss to Virginia, a group of Blue Devil seniors got together to talk and plant the seeds for their playoff run.

With two weeks before their last regular-season game (May 9 against Sacred Heart), the seniors knew that stretch would define their postseason. The next week, fifth-year senior Mike Catalino, who has dealt with a host of hip and knee injuries so bad that he nearly didn’t return to the team this year, basically looked like Rudy Ruettiger in practice — flying around and going so hard he actually had to sit one day out to recover.

That carried over to his message to the Devils the night before the Sacred Heart game, when every player got up in front of the team to speak about what needed to happen the rest of the way for Duke to be successful. Catalino went more big-picture with his speech than the players that spoke before him.

“I said ‘Tonight I’m going to sleep like a champion and tomorrow I’m going to wake up like a champion, and eat breakfast like a champion, and dress like a champion,’” he said. “We needed to take that same motto to everything we do, we do it like a champion. Excellence in being, not excellence in doing. We said that every single improvement over the next two weeks needed to be physical and mental.”

Duke blew out Sacred Heart 19-7 the next day, before getting a difficult — but apropos — draw in the NCAA Tournament, which ultimately set them up to avenge losses to Johns Hopkins (2008 NCAA Final, ’09 NCAA Semifinal), North Carolina (March 10), Virginia (April 23) and Notre Dame (11-7) and erase the doubts many lacrosse fans had in the Devils’ ability to win it all.

This year’s group of fifth-year seniors (Catalino, Tom Clute, Ned Crotty, Jon Livadas, Sam Payton, Steve Schoeffel and Dan Theodoridis) has undergone an amazingly mercurial ride at Duke. They went through the shortened season and false rape allegations in 2006, the coaching transition to John Danowski from Mike Pressler, the offensive transition from Matt Danowski and Zack Greer to Ned Crotty and Max Quinzani and the disappointment of losing in three straight Final Fours.

They also went through a brutal 2-3 start to 2010 after coming into the season as the favorite to win it all. Payton said Sunday that part of that was the Devils bought into the hype and didn’t fully realize the hard work that needed to go into a championship season. That was a big theme in May after the ACC Tournament, when the team really came together.

Duke was playing good lacrosse down the stretch, but it also didn’t come into the NCAA Tournament with the hype, or pressure, of the previous three years. As a result, most players say they played looser and lighter.

On the field after Duke’s overtime win in the NCAA Final Monday, Danowski said the main difference this year was that the team was more focused, with less distractions, than in the previous three championship weekends. The first two years were wrought with “emotional baggage” that proved unmanageable. And last year, Danowski said the team was “in awe of being there,” since they didn’t expect to make it.

This year, they were the No. 5 seed. And even the fifth-year issue got lost amid all the focus on Virginia and the death of Yeardley Love.

“I’m so happy for Duke Lacrosse. This doesn’t happen overnight,” Danowski said. “Sometimes you have to lose first. These guys have enjoyed the ride and enjoyed each other.”

A perfect example is the team menu announcements that became tradition late this season. Catalino said it started with him sending a random text message to Parker McKee that he was eating “groundball bacon”; from there Danowski picked it up and had Catalino do it before all team meals, including the all-important pregame lunch before the championship.

Catalino said he’s been running out of material lately, so he stayed up late Sunday night after consulting with the waitress on the menu. Ultimately, the Devils dined Monday on a feast that included “catch-and-shoot fruit”, “approach-angle asparagus”, “championship chicken”, “shoot-to-score spaghetti” and “groundball garlic bread”.   

Not sure what was on the menu for dinner Monday night, but it's safe to say the Devils ate like champions.

The Buried Life

By Randy Traeger

Head Football Coach Oregon

One of my favorite sayings is that as coaches and leaders, we must “Pierce the World’s Veil of Fear and Speak to the Soul of every Man”.  This saying speaks to the fact that we believe most men and women of our post modern relative, technology driven society, have constructed elaborate barriers to protect and hide their souls from others. We wear masks and disguise our true nature from each other. We live in fear and these disguises help hide our fear. 

These barriers make ministering to young souls very difficult.  You could easily spend all your time dancing on the surface and never getting down to the buried life. You have got to pierce the world’s veil of fear and get to the soul. Our relative society has gotten pretty good at dressing things up and we usually go around placating each other. I’m okay…your okay.  We shine each others windows and walk away feeling pretty good about ourselves, but in reality, it’s just a joke. What’s inside the store never gets attended to.

So what do we coaches do about it? First, we get skilled at piercing the worlds veil of fear.  The old coaches axiom holds true here.  The kids don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  Talk to them, person to person, face to face with great empathy. Ask questions and then shut up and listen. Really listen. 

Find out what they like, what they don’t like. We are not talking about a lot of time here, maybe 10 minutes. Get a great sense for when something is bugging them and give them the opportunity to talk about it. Open the door, let them walk through it.  What kind of music do you like? What songs? How is your family? Do you have any brothers and sisters? How many? What ages? Who are your buddies? What are your favorite subjects in school? What are your least favorite subjects? Getting to know them helps break down those barriers. Simply by keeping the door open you can tear holes in that veil of fear. Love rips off whole bolts. 

 Finally, The Buried Life also hits home with me on a personal level. Having gone through my own personal crisis of limitations and glimpsing my own finality, I have discovered that when it comes to dealing with other adults, I really don’t have time to play emotional or egotistical shell games with them.  I don’t want to talk to their “mask”, I want to talk to their “soul”. I want to communicate with their “buried” “hidden” self, the real person behind that charade. 

Coaches, we only have a short time left to snatch young souls back from the devil. I say, leave the small talk for someone else. Let’s minister to the “Buried Lives” of our players.

                                              -------------------------------------------------------------

Excerpts from “The Buried Life” by Matt Arnold (1852)

Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet, behold, with tears mine eyes are wet! I feel a nameless sadness o'er me roll. Yes, yes, we know that we can jest, we know, we know that we can smile! But there's a something in this breast, to which thy light words bring no rest, and thy gay smiles no anodyne. Give me thy hand, and hush awhile, and turn those limpid eyes on mine, and let me read there thy inmost soul.

I knew the mass of men concealed. Their thoughts, for fear that if revealed, they would by other men be met with blank indifference, or with blame reproved; I knew they lived and moved tricked in disguises, alien to the rest of men, and alien to themselves--and yet the same heart beats in every human breast!

Fate, which foresaw how frivolous a baby man would be-- By what distractions he would be possessed, how he would pour himself in every strife, and well-nigh change his own identity--That it might keep from his capricious play.

But often, in the world's most crowded streets, But often, in the din of strife, There rises an unspeakable desire
after the knowledge of our buried life; A thirst to spend our fire and restless force in tracking out our true, original course; a longing to inquire into the mystery of this heart which beats so wild, so deep in us--to know
whence our lives come and where they go. And many a man in his own breast then delves, but deep enough, alas! None ever mines.

And we have been on many thousand lines, and we have shown, on each, spirit and power; but hardly have we, for one little hour, been on our own line, have we been ourselves--hardly had skill to utter one of all the nameless feelings that course through our breast, but they course on for ever unexpressed. And long we try in vain to speak and act our hidden self, and what we say and do.

                                                     ----------------------------------------------------

Ahead of his time, Matt Arnold’s poem richly conveys the feelings behind the false satisfactions of the technological and living standard preeminence of the modern United States. We suffer from an anxious sense of something lost, a sense of being displaced persons in a society where our human members are alien to one another due to technological advances which have been exploited too quickly for the adaptive powers of our human psyche. We have lost each other.  Our kids have a better relationship with their electronic devices than they do with each other. They hide behind their text messages, emails, face book pages, I Pods, and websites. Using modern technology, they have created even stronger more elaborate barriers to each others souls than their parents. 

Happy Memorial Day - A Man of Resolve

Happy Memorial Day!

Thank you to everyone who has served our country with virtue. We appreciate everything you have done for us.

Here is a 1 minute video of Coach Dan Duddy thanking his father, WW II vet Francis Xavier Duddy may he rest in peace, for being a servant and a man of resolve.

Prayers for my Mom

My Mom, Angela Judd, was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Please remember her in your prayers and sacrifices.

Thank you so much. 

From todays Mass reading, Romans 5: 1-5

Affliction produces endurance,

and endurance, proven character,

and proven character, hope,

and hope does not disappoint, 

because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.

God bless you, Lou

The 13 Most Powerful Superfoods

Good nutrition is necessary for all of us but especially the serious athlete. Here are "The Super 13".

Avocados

Apples

Blueberries

Cabbage

Fish and Fish Oil

Mushrooms

Garlic

Almonds

Eggs

Flaxseeds

Pomegranates

Red Wine - 1 drink a day

Dark Chocolate

If you would like more information on the Super 13 click on the link below.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/photogallery/superfoods.aspx

A Father to the Fatherless?

By Chris Willertz, Winton Woods Wrestling, OH

There was a time when coaching a sport was all about coaching a sport.  Teaching specific sport skills, emphasizing teamwork, having fun and enjoying young people were the prime elements of the life of a youth coach.  As so many of us realize, coaching is so much more now.  The emphasis on winning, developing talent, getting kids into college or the best schools has become the priority; like what your  sports involvement can do for you! 

At Winton Woods, our wrestling program is about all of the things mentioned above, in various degrees.  But, I would argue, our program is most about trying to train boys into men.  Sadly, we have a lot of absentee fathers in our community.  There are many single mothers trying to raise children and make ends meet.  I think God asks everyone of us to father our own children but to help the orphans and the widows as well.  Since this is the majority of our boys at Winton Woods, I feel it would be an injustice NOT to try to father our fatherless.

Fathering the fatherless is hard work!  This is true especially in the spring when school is about to let out.  If you’ve ever really tried to train teenage boys you know what I mean.  So many want an adult fighting for them and against them!  So many crave the attention and the discipline.  

Don’t throw up your arms and say I can’t do it.  Get smart.  Use your brain, your wisdom.  Figure out rewards for good behavior, figure out consequences for bad behavior, expect to fight the same fight over homework, effort, respect, day after day after day after day.  

I can’t remember the number of times my dad told me to do my homework and the punishments I received for not doing it.  But he did it for me and my older brother, and countless students he taught at Saginaw Valley State University. Convince yourself that you can do it too and that you are not going to give up.

Our work at Winton Woods is difficult.  I see forty or fifty teenage boys a day that need fathering.  And I am supposed to teach them history and wrestling too!?  It’s a daunting task.  I can’t do it by myself.  We can’t do it by ourselves.  We need you!  We need you to pray for us.  We need you to help us financially (so many of the boys don’t experience real initiations provided by their own families, we have to provide them for them).  

We need you to father fatherless teenage boys.  We need you to tell friends and family about the plight so many boys are facing, NO INITIATIONS INTO MANHOOD BY ADULTS WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT THEM!  We need our society to see how weak uninitiated men are harmful to the women they love, the children they create, the communities which they live and ultimately to themselves.

It is clear God wants all of us to do our part, to help Him.  Are you willing to do your part, to fight for the soul of a young person?  Christ did it for you, why not return the favor?

“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes.  He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.”

Deuteronomy 10: 17-19

“Do not deprive the alien or the fatherless of justice.”

Deuteronomy 24: 17

“Do not withhold discipline from a child.”

Proverbs 23: 13

Yeardley Love's Funeral

By Joe Ehrmann

I went to Yeardley Love's funeral with my twenty two year old son.  The University of Virginia lacrosse player was appearently murdered at the hands of a former boyfriend. My son, a college lacrosse player, was friends with Yeardley, her accused murderer, and many of the men and women on the UVA lacrosse teams.   Sitting next to him, I could feel and see him trying to process the conflicted emotions surrounding the enormity of this tragedy, compounded by knowing both the victim and the victimizer.  The young men sitting around me sobbed and sniffled. At one point in the ceremony I turned to an emotionally distraught young man and asked him if I could give him a hug. I was surprised at the strength and endurance of his hug as he held onto me seeking comfort and, I suspect, affirmation of his emotions and manhood. As he let go he said "thank you" without ever looking at me. Here lies part of the problem and a solution to the epidemic of violence women experience every day in Maryland and America.

At an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straightjackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of "stop crying," "stop those emotions," and "don't be a sissy," we define what it means to "Be a Man!" Adherence to this "boy code" leaves many men dissociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, naming, sharing, or accepting many of their emotions. 

When men don't understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of another.This creates an "empathy-deficit disorder" that is foundational to America's epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence.  Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting of other males, and at all cost to avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women so as to experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger, control or alcohol, gender violence is often the result.  

Violence against women is often thought of as a women's issue; but it is a mistake to call men's violence a women's issue. Since men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of this violence, this men's issue calls to question the cultural values that produce men who hurt women. Sadly, Yeardley Love was only one of four women murdered by intimate partners that day. Who knows how many others were raped, battered, sexually abused, harassed or exploited by men that day and every day in America?
 Since Yeardley's funeral was packed with athletes, coaches, parents of athletes and sports fans, we need to look at the role sports could play in preventing future tragedies. Athletic Directors, coaches and educators have an almost unparalleled platform to bring together youth, families, and community partners to break the silence of gender violence and then design, implement and create preventive programs and activities. Educating boys and men in prevention programs is critical to reducing all forms of violence.  

Coaches can and should teach their players to challenge the attitudes and assumptions that dehumanize women. Players need to be taught how to confront abusive peers and how stand up and speak out on behalf of their mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, aunts and female friends. Since so many boys no longer have a mentoring network of fathers, uncles, elders, and other males to initiate, train and guide them into manhood, coaches should and must assume part of this responsibility.

 
I'd like to think Athletic Directors and coaches all over  America brought their male and female teams together to help process Yeardley's death and to implement prevention strategies within their schools and communities. Yet as someone involved nationally in the sports world, I know that did not happen. A teachable moment was overlooked in the name of business, schedules, tournaments and the reality that men often choose apathy and indifference when confronting the conditions that foster abusive male behavior. Two weeks after Yeardley's death I watched the UVA male and female teams take field under the banner of ONE TEAM-ONE HEART-ONE LOVE.  In the name of the world I want my sons and daughters to live in; I can only hope Yeardley Love's murder sparks ONE MOVEMENT to eradicate gender violence.  

Robert Kennedy said,"Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence....Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of our generation."  Each man and every coach must start challenging the social norms that define manhood and hold other men and players accountable for their behavior toward women.

Making the front page of ESPN - for the right reason

Remember that story from a few weeks back about the girls softball team that forfeited the game to help the other team?

If not click here http://sportsleaderusa.blogspot.com/2010/04/roncalli-softball-compassion-and.html

Well it has now made the front page of ESPN - Rick Reilly's column. The article is here below. 

When sports are ABOUT virtue - amazing things happen and many lives can be changed.

Here is a quote I found inspiring:

"Roncalli wasn't done. Traylor asked all the parents of his players and anybody else he knew for more help for Marshall -- used bats, gloves, helmets, money for cleats, gloves, sliders, socks and team shirts. They came up with $2,500 and worked with Marshall on the best way to help the program with that money. Roncalli also connected Marshall with former Bishop Chatard coach Kim Wright, who will advise the program.

"We probably got to some things 10 years quicker than we would have had without Roncalli," says Marshall principal Michael Sullivan.

And that was just the appetizer. A rep from Reebok called Sullivan and said, "What do you need? We'll get it for you." A man who owns an indoor batting cage facility has offered free time in the winter. The Cincinnati Reds are donating good dirt for the new field Marshall will play on."

For love of the game

By Rick ReillyWe live in a world where Peyton Manning walks off the Super Bowl field without shaking anybody's hand. Where Tiger Woods leaves the Masters without a word of thanks to the fans or congratulations to the winner. Where NFL lineman Albert Haynesworth kicks a man's helmetless head without a thought.

So if you think sportsmanship is toast, this next story is an all-you-can-eat buffet to a starving man.

It happened at a junior varsity girls' softball game in Indianapolis this spring. After an inning and a half, Roncalli was womanhandling inner-city Marshall Community. Marshall pitchers had already walked nine Roncalli batters. The game could've been 50-0 with no problem.

Yes, a team that hadn't lost a game in 2½ years, a team that was going to win in a landslide purposely offered to declare defeat. Why? Because Roncalli wanted to spend the two hours teaching the Marshall girls how to get better, not how to get humiliated.

It's no wonder. This was the first softball game in Marshall history. A middle school trying to move up to include grades 6 through 12, Marshall showed up to the game with five balls, two bats, no helmets, no sliding pads, no cleats, 16 players who'd never played before, and a coach who'd never even seen a game.

One Marshall player asked, "Which one is first base?" Another: "How do I hold this bat?" They didn't know where to stand in the batter's box. Their coaches had to be shown where the first- and third-base coaching boxes were.

That's when Roncalli did something crazy. They offered to forfeit.

Yes, a team that hadn't lost a game in 2½ years, a team that was going to win in a landslide purposely offered to declare defeat. Why? Because Roncalli wanted to spend the two hours teaching the Marshall girls how to get better, not how to get humiliated.

"The Marshall players did NOT want to quit," wrote Roncalli JV coach Jeff Traylor, in recalling the incident. "They were willing to lose 100 to 0 if it meant they finished their first game." But the Marshall players finally decided if Roncalli was willing to forfeit for them, they should do it for themselves. They decided that maybe -- this one time -- losing was actually winning.

That's about when the weirdest scene broke out all over the field: Roncalli kids teaching Marshall kids the right batting stance, throwing them soft-toss in the outfield, teaching them how to play catch. They showed them how to put on catching gear, how to pitch, and how to run the bases. Even the umps stuck around to watch.

"One at a time the Marshall girls would come in to hit off of the [Roncalli] pitchers," Traylor recalled. "As they hit the ball their faces LIT UP! They were high fiving and hugging the girls from Roncalli, thanking them for teaching to them the game."

This is the kind of thing that can backfire with teenagers -- the rich kids taking pity on the inner-city kids kind of thing. Traylor was afraid of it, too.

"One wrong attitude, one babying approach from our players would shut down the Marshall team, who already were down," wrote Traylor. "But our girls made me as proud as I have ever been. ... [By the end], you could tell they were having a blast. The change from the beginning of the game to the end of the practice was amazing."

Roncalli wasn't done. Traylor asked all the parents of his players and anybody else he knew for more help for Marshall -- used bats, gloves, helmets, money for cleats, gloves, sliders, socks and team shirts. They came up with $2,500 and worked with Marshall on the best way to help the program with that money. Roncalli also connected Marshall with former Bishop Chatard coach Kim Wright, who will advise the program.

"We probably got to some things 10 years quicker than we would have had without Roncalli," says Marshall principal Michael Sullivan.

And that was just the appetizer. A rep from Reebok called Sullivan and said, "What do you need? We'll get it for you." A man who owns an indoor batting cage facility has offered free time in the winter. The Cincinnati Reds are donating good dirt for the new field Marshall will play on.

"This could've been a thing where our kids had too much pride," says Sullivan. "You know, 'I'm not going to listen to anybody.' But our kids are really thirsty to learn."

And they are. Marshall never won a game, but they actually had leads in their last three games. In fact, it went so well, the players and their parents asked if they could extend the season, so they're looking to play AAU summer softball.

Just a thought: Major League Baseball is pulling hamstrings trying to figure out how to bring baseball back to the inner city. Maybe they should put the Roncalli and Marshall girls in charge?

Anyway, it's not an important story, just one that squirts apple juice right in your face. And who knows? Maybe someday, Marshall will be beating Roncalli in the final inning, realize how far they've come, and forfeit again, just as a thank you.

A Father's Legacy

By Dan Duddy

Head Football Coach New Jersey

I lost my father May 10^th. He died peacefully with a quiet last breath; mind you “Quiet” was never an adjective that described him. He was a “man of few words” perhaps, but those words were strong and audible for sure.

Pop’s slow and steady breathing became erratic and was punctuated with a faint “whoosh”, the very sound that I imagine an angel’s wings would make as they landed next to his bed to scoop him up and take him to our Lord. With his eyes already closed, he seemed to relax and sink slightly as all pain left him.

How invasive his personality and love for me was! I didn’t realize it though until he was gone. Pop wasn’t one to say “I love you”, but he worked his tail off for us, his five children, with an incredible relentless effort that persevered some very difficult times, but his greatest challenge was his very own history with a father that left him and his mother alone and cold.

He and his mom suffered through post depression times together. He lied about his age to join the navy, and almost lost his leg in WWII. He then met my mother and nurtured a fine love with her 40 years of marriage before she passed away, all the while giving his home to his mother so she could live a long life in comfort and love with us, her grandchildren.

My father gave his mother, his wife, and all of his children more leadership, protection, and provisions then his father could even imagine, and he did it without a father’s example.

In fact his father’s example gave him an excuse to walk out on us. But he loved God, and he knew Christ. 

His mother prayed the rosary every single day. I saw Christ in my dad. Jesus Christ, through the intercession of his Blessed Mother Mary, saved my father’s family as a son, as a father, and as a grandfather.

I will miss him dearly, but I pray the rosary far more often now as I lead, protect and provide for my lovely wife and eight children with the example of a very good man in my heart and the collective hearts of my children and everyone that was blessed to know him.

God is great.

Free Will

To: The Sportsleader Family

From: Steve Frommeyer, principal & Head Football Coach, Eminence, KY

During this time of primary elections and political debate that seems to go on forever, I have to wonder “what would Jesus do?” The Jewish people of his time were expecting a Savior that would come as a political leader to overthrow the Roman empire. Many of them totally missed his message because they were looking for a new “governing” authority. Jesus did not come to put in place a new political system. As Father John Bartunek often states in his book, “The Better Part”, God does not force us to do anything. He gave us a free will to choose. Government control is the opposite of how God deals with us. 

So, what’s all this got to do with athletics? Are not the best, most committed players those that choose to work hard and get with the program instead of only doing what they are told to do out of compliance. A coach that gets players to make the right choices versus one that dictates demands that players don’t believe in is always going to win out in the end.

Something to think about.

Philosophy of Coaching

By Mike Gims
Head Football Coach Potomac Falls High School, Virginia

As a transformational leader my vision is to develop an atmosphere where athletes can grow as leaders with character while focusing on academics, and developing, physically and socially. This team will be characterized by certain values such as charity, humility and courage. Football is a tough sport and we must work efficiently, and effectively to be successful. We need to have great communication skills and be willing to hold each other accountable. Overall we will strive to become diligent men who will work together to accomplish our goals.

Make the Most of It!

Life presents us with thousands of opportunities to keep up our fitness. We can look for them in them smallest or grandest of places. Whether you’re going on a two hour run in the mountains, riding your bike through town or carrying the dog food all the way to the dog house in the alley instead of driving it, there are just simply ample opportunities each day to maintain our fitness.

A couple of my favorite places to catch a quick strength workout are in the garden or around the house. Raking and sweeping constitute two great ways to work your core muscles if done correctly. Pulling towards yourself is the most effective. Hauling and stacking the firewood is another great place to flex some muscle.

Among jewels in the home that I can think of are the stairs...run em’, skip steps, or even go up and down a couple times. Carry laundry up and down. Vacuuming can be good too. If you have young children at home, they love to run from the vacuum and dodge it. Play with your coordination and switch it out of your dominant hand for a greater challenge. In the kitchen you can stir the bread dough, cookies or muffins especially if you’re planning on eating them. Remember to load them with wholesome goodness!

When you are out an about see if you can take a more physical mode of transport. Dust off that town bike or break out those sneakers to run those close errands. You’ll also put more fresh air in your day which does the body good. Swing by the church on the way home and say hello to Jesus. Maybe this evening when you plunk down in front of the T.V. you’ll sit on the floor and stretch for the duration of the show. You never know who’s watching and might like to join in.

Take small steps when possible to keep up on your strength and cardio fitness, especially if you have a desk job or an inactive lifestyle. Enjoy manual labor in a whole new way this week.