God bless, Lou
I had a mother of a senior football player approach me the other day and tell me how proud she was of her son. He came out for the team having never played a down of football before in his life ... we will take any young man who can eat 7 slices of pizza.
He is home with his mother and sister only. He has told mom that he loves football.
We mentor our young men. They make resolutions to specific actions. He has told me that he speaks harshly to his mother. We agreed that he needed to go home and wholeheartedly apologize for his actions, and TRUTHFULLY promise to change his ways with her. When we did our follow up the next week, he told me he did this and that she cried.
When she approached me at parent-teacher night I brought it up. She smiled and said “yes, coach, the program is absolutely miraculous and there have been changes in him that I would never imagine before.” I said “he told me he made a promise to you”. She said “Yes, but it lasted two days”. “He’s back to calling me names and yelling at his sister”.
“Wow”, I thought. “This kid is back to disrespecting mom, and here she is raving about his progress ... things must be pretty bad."
As I walked off the field with him last week in our mentoring session, with the theme of the week being “Courage”, I said, “You told me last week that you promised mom that you will never disrespect her again”. He looked like I caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.
I said “this is courage week,” “If you don’t have the courage to respect your very own mother and keep a promise, then you don’t have the courage to play football”.
His face turned red. I continued “I will follow up with your mother next week, not you.”
“If you can’t choose to respect your mother, I am taking your equipment”.
If “family” is the root of our world’s problems, then it is also the main ingredient in the successes and failures of your football team. We need to make a stand and become bold about it. If we are going to coach “courage”, then we need to flex “courage” as well.
It's no wonder he whiffed on blocking that big 3 technique last week. A boy who doesn’t respect his own mother can’t make a block like that.
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I wrote an email to his Mom:
After seeing you at "meet the teachers" I spoke very strongly with him regarding his attitude toward you and his sister. He was to make a very strong commitment/resolution to take care of how he speaks to you and her, etc. I threatened to take away his football equipment if he couldn't take the responsibility to change.
I told him that I would follow up with you, rather than him.
Have their been any positive changes?
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Her email response:
Wow Coach you are an Angel sent to us from Heaven!!! You have NO idea how much the interest that you are taking means to me. He does not have any POSITIVE male role models to look to or talk seriously with. I do not know if he shared any of the events in his life since the age of 12 with you, I am hoping that he did. (If not perhaps I can fill you in) I am very worried that he is going to follow in the foot steps of his Dad. Please do not think that I am a bitter, disgruntled scorned wife. But I feel that staying so long in a negative relationship, has truly affected him. The way he talks to and treats his sister and I is the only way he knows how by example of his father.
He has gotten better with they way he treats his sister and I. But he could be better, I understand that a transformation of this multitude does not happen over night and I do give him credit for trying. I feel very bad for him because he walks around with all this pent up anger and he has no idea as to how to vent it.
He has great admiration and respect for you, in fact he told me that there is know way that he could ever lie to you, even if he tried or wanted to.
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I got a phone call last night from "the young man in question". He said that his sister came home from school upset about something. He said for the first time in his life he actually sat down and had a heart to heart with her, showing love, leadership and masculinity.
He went out of his way to call me and tell me how great he feels because of it, and thanked me. He told me that he wants more of "that feeling".
Thank you for sharing this story. We have four beautiful, intelligent, gifted children, but one is really struggling with disrespect. She plays soccer and is in show choir. We would love for her to have coaches that help her understand the connection between attitude at home and attitude on her teams. We feel that if she is unable to be respectful at home, then the accolades she gets on the soccer field or on the stage are not completely honest.
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